Tell Me a Story Podcast
Tell Me a Story Podcast
No One Likes the Bad Guy
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No One Likes the Bad Guy

But I'm very good at being the bad guy.

I don't like being the bad guy. No one likes the bad guy. No one wants to spend any time with the bad guy. People hate me.

But I'm very good at being the bad guy. I'm smart. I'm curious. I'm devious. I love twisting people's view of reality, and you can only do that well as a bad guy, as someone who doesn't give a damn, as someone who has such a skewed vision of reality that we don't have to live by someone else's rules. We make our own.

You know, killing is good. It rids the world of the weak. I hate the weak.

I'm not sadistic. I try to do good clean kills. I try to minimize the mess. I really don't want people to hurt. I'm not into pain. I'm more into relieving suffering. And the weak, they do suffer.

I never run out of victims. At least half the world are victims. Stupid people. People that irritate the hell out of me. And it's the hell they get from me. The sooner, the better. On a good day, I eliminate three to four idiots. On a bad day, it's more like ten.

I don't plan my kills. It's a waste of time. Killers don't need to plan. 90% of major crimes are never solved—not like in the movies, not like on TV. It's really law and disorder.

Sure, I keep my prints out of crime scenes, but a bit of hair here or there isn't going catch me.

Three reasons.

One, no one knows me. I'm a nobody. Nobodies can get away with murder. We're on no one's radar. We don't even create a blip.

Two, I never return to the scene of a crime. Very stupid thing to do.

Three, I kill randomly. Very randomly. I don't have a type. I don't repeat myself. Of course, I don't worry if I do repeat some things, but I leave no pattern.

And, if you need a fourth reason, very simple: I don't really care if anyone knows that I did it. I'm without ego. You want people to know? That gets you caught. I just don't care.

I'm a bad guy. And I don't have a name. I neither like nor abhor killing. It's just what I do.

And I do it well, simply because I do it so quickly. No planning. Just response. At the right time. In the right place. No witnesses. Witnesses die. Always.

If you see me, really see me, you die. Just that simple.

Want to know more?

You stupid idiot. You don't want to know more. You don't want to see me.

No one knows me. No one wants to know me.

Consider Mary.

Mary was just a housewife in the wrong place. Running for her health. Dying because she saw me. Not so good for her health. Mary was #2 today.

#1 was a kid that irritated me. Crying because he was lost in the brush. Stupid kid. But you don't cry with your throat slit. Knives are silent. That's why I like them. And easy to conceal. And cheap. And very generic. Dollar stores have some good ones. I prefer paring knives myself, but I often use butcher knives as well. No pattern. Always something different.

Never stay in the same city for more than three days. Two is better. One is the best.

You can get a lot done in one or two days. Clean the city out a little. Move on.

Small towns are fun, but you can't stay more than a day. You have to be invisible. Small towns have too many eyes. Too many ears. Too many noses. Slip in, slip out. But you can do a day's quota in 30 minutes or less if you know where to go, who to be, what to see, when to leave.

I drive a gray Honda Civic. No one sees those. Always with a state license plate. No stranger. Just invisible.

I need to kill. I'm a bad guy. I love what I do.

I'll be in your city soon.

No One Likes the Bad Guy
No One Likes the Bad Guy
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Tell Me a Story Podcast
Tell Me a Story Podcast
Tell me a story features live readings of short stories, episodic fiction, poems, and other fiction for kids of all ages.
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John Kremer